Rabbit Hole

Published on March 12th, 2015 | by SgtKaiju


You Are Not Alone (or How I Learnt To Stop Worrying And Love The Nerd)

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Hi, My name is Rob and I do not fit in.

I grew up in a not-very-nice area of a generic town in the south of England. I grew up with people who played 5-a-side, who collected football stickers, who screamed over pop stars and celebrities. I grew up in a world where being tough was really all that mattered, that fighting was commonplace. I did not fit in.

I since have lived in many places with many people doing many things. I have been out of the in-crowd and in the out-crowd, and visa versa. I have done things that many people consider ‘cool’, but I’ve always felt like a fraud, that if they knew the real me, the me that loves D&D, loves VHS, loves Gen13,  they would know I was not one of them. Deep down, I knew I did not fit in.


As I aged, I came more out of myself, I found the world of Comic-Cons, of nerdy worlds within worlds.  But I don’t read a lot of comics, or I read the wrong ones. I don’t watch anime. I love the costumes but half the time I have no idea who they are. Everyone else seems more connected, more part of the world. It is better, but still I feel like I don’t truly fit in.

But as I’ve aged, one thing has become crystal clear in my mind.

Everyone feels this way.

Everyone single one of us, from the most powerful person to the loneliest, has a secret. A deep secret that we never tell anyone but everyone knows. We are fucking winging it. We all have parts of our souls, of our passions that we know don’t mesh with the tribes we have chosen or find ourselves in. We ALL have moments when the world we know slips away from us and we end up drifting.

I’m odd. I like odd things. I collect ice hockey pucks and LEGO mini-figs and early 90s straight-to-video film releases and 8mm films of the early days of Disney World.I’m odd.

But so are you.

So is everyone.

It can be hard, god it can be hard. There will be days when, no matter how many people are around you, no matter how many people tell you they love you, that you will feel alone, that you will feel like an oddity for the things that make you, you. And whilst there are no words or solutions that can make that better, just know you are not alone. Every single person you have ever known is the same.


Deep down, there are no mainstream people or alternative people, no ‘them and us’, or ‘them and me’. Everyone is as odd and weird as you. Their weirdness may not be the same as yours, may not be anything like yours, but there will be something that they do, or like, or think, that makes them feel apart from the world they live.

So, my gentle readers, take heart, take comfort. The geek world can seem huge and terrifying, that you don’t fit in with the prescribed view of what a ‘geek’ is, what an ‘otaku’ is, what a ‘fan’ is. It can seem like this alien world where everyone else is part of the scene and you are just stood alone in the corner. But trust me when I say, we’ve all been in that corner. We’ve all felt it. We all still feel it.

So come to me, come us to us, share your weirdness. Believe me when I say, they just aren’t that weird. You aren’t that weird. And most importantly, you are not alone. Come, share all the little corners of your soul that you love but don’t tell anyone about.

I’ll start, join me in the comments.

I have life-long crush on The Bride Of Frankenstein….

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